Decisions

Today I am faced with some hard decisions.  Last week my appointment with my counselor really threw me into a tailspin.  I was a in "funk" for a few days. I feel like some of the stuff I need to deal with is probably ready to come out, because I can't seem to stuff them very well anymore.  The thought of doing it and still living my daily life is daunting.  Today my counselor presented me with a few options.  One is going in patient for a week and working through it quickly in a safe environment, not very practical now that I am in school, not to mention the fact that I have 4 kids. Plus how do you not feel crazy when you have to be somewhere other than home to "be safe". The other is setting up longer appointments, closer together and pushing through it all quickly.  The problem is he leaves town in a few weeks for 2 weeks.  So either I choose to try and get through it before he goes, and run the risk of being in a bad place when he leaves, or waiting till he gets back.  I know and understand these things need to be worked through, but I think I am leaning towards waiting until he gets back.  I don't want to feel rushed or pressured to hurry through it.  I have to admit that taking a break for a while seems so nice.  It is exhausting emotional and physically every time I go in.  I also have to admit the thought has crossed my mind that I could lose some weight during the break, without him there to get on my case for it.  I try to dismiss these thoughts because restricting my food has consequences.  It makes it harder to focus and will take a toll on my school work.  I had my body composition tested and the chances of my body letting go of much more fat is not likely so I will be pulling energy from muscles (including my heart) and I am really looking forward to biking season coming up soon and I want to be in good shape.  So what do I want more?  The choice seems easy, but when restricting also helps me deal (temporarily) with life I am scared I will choose the option that is easier at the moment.  So I have until next Tuesday to tell him my decision.  I plan on praying about it and then going with the one I feel  prompted to do.  The problem is I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to feel the spirit and it's promptings.  I hope I will know what I should do.
Another hard thing right now is parenting.  I am becoming all to aware of how my kids cope with stress in their lives.  It scares me and I feel a strong responsibility to help them negotiate through the hard things in their lives in a healthy way.  I know that I have a limited amount of years to influence them to the degree I do now. I know that developing good coping and stress management skills at a young age is crucial to them becoming healthy adults.  It is nice to be able to talk to my counselor about some of their issues and hear his opinion on dealing with them.  I hope I am able to model some of the behaviors I am trying to teach them.  I am more likely an example of an adult they don't want to become.  I guess it is just another way my children teach me.  Even when I am trying to teach them, the lesson seems to be just as important for me to listen to.