CONQUERING MY FEARS

I have always had a fear of riding my bike. About 14 years ago I was on my bike, in the middle of the road in a neighborhood mind you, and somehow I totally went over the handle bars and got pretty beat up. I still have scars. Add this fear with my perpetual fear of going fast and mountain biking just didn't seem like anything I would ever want to do. Tony has gotten back into mountain biking the last few years and was constantly bugging me to go with him. I was able to put him off for quite a while, which isn't easy with those eyes! He has been riding with our neighbor Scott Breen (formerly from Scott Breen Photography) and if any of you know him and his wife Paula they are really fun to be around. So Tony set it up for us to go with Scott and Paula and Scott lent me a really nice bike and was going to be the one teaching me. We went up to Park City and I had butterflies the entire way up the canyon. I felt like a three year old learning to ride a bike. Scott is an excellent teacher and really broke it down for me. He followed me the whole way barking orders at me. The very surprising thing was that I loved it! The downhill was so scary for me and I really have to try and let go of my fears and just do what he told me to do and let my speed pick up. Something about doing that and making it down to the bottom alive really gives me a high, and helps me in other parts of my life. After our first ride we went out to eat at a BBQ place in Park City (my first time eating a BBQ sandwich in years, I actually did throw it up later, but that was because I got the flu from Whitney, too much info I know.) We sat there and talked for a long time. Scott and Paula both have an amazing energy and there was something about them that made me realize that I had been slipping back into my own little cocoon again the last few weeks. My counselor left on a mission and I didn't have anyone kicking my butt and making me change my thinking. Paula and me talked on the ride back and as I got to know her it reminded me that I am not the first or only person to go through the problems that I am going through, but I didn't have to let it weigh me down so much. At dinner I mentioned to Scott that I wanted to learn more about photography and did he recommend any books. He was so nice and said that it would just be easier to show me. He pointed out things throughout the night about lighting. I was really impressed with the fact that he is so good at riding a bike and photography, but he really is a teacher. He's not just like "hey I'm really good at this isn't that great for me", but he really seems to enjoy teaching someone else how to enjoy it too. (Another lesson I needed to learn!) It motivated me to go home and forget about myself a little more and enjoy life. Scott let us keep his bike and in the next week we went on five rides in seven days. One was a ride with my dad up city creek, and it was really cool to be able to do something recreational with him again. With raising kids anytime my dad goes on a ride or a hike too difficult for kids Tony has always been the one to go with "the boys". It was fun to remember that I used to have fun doing stuff with "the boys". The day after riding city creek with my dad, we rode Dog Lake with Cory and was reminded again of what I have been missing thinking it was just Tony who would do stuff like that now that we were older. Last night we rode with Scott and Paula again and had a blast. I brought my camera to take some pictures, but I felt like if I got my camera out I should just had it off to Scott to take them because he is so much better than me. (my stupid insecurities again!) Being with them again has reminded me to just enjoy life and too not take myself so seriously. Everything doesn't have to be perfect to have joy. Chances are my life will never be perfect, but I realize that happiness has a lot more to do with my perception and not actual situations. I am even o.k letting his wife kick my butt on the uphill. She is in awesome shape and usually that is something that would make me feel bad about myself, but I don't feel that was around them because I can tell they are honestly out there to have a good ride. The first ride with Scott he was always yelling at me to calm down and take it easy. I have told myself that so many times since, it really is a metaphor for my life. Am I really just trying to beat people up the hill and make sure I don't look stupid, or am I enjoying my ride and the amazing views along the way? I believe people are brought into your life to teach you what you need to learn when you need to learn it. Although we have known the Breen's for awhile, I really think that I wouldn't have been ready to learn what I needed to learn a few months ago. I am so grateful for Tony too. He is always trying to push me out of my own little comfort zone that I like to lock myself up in. Another way that he is so perfect for me. So I have to concede, you were right babe I do like biking!