My Adorable Little Monster!

Sarah is our adorable little monster. She can be so angelic and sweet, and then in a blink of an eye start screaming and bossing everyone in the room. Of course most of this is our fault.

She is our youngest, and was born in a turbulent time in our lives. I have blogged before about how she was born in the middle of my mom's cancer treatments. Also, two weeks after she was born I went into heart failure from the pregnancy (post-par tum cardiomyopathy). After that we were told that there was no way I could ever have another baby. We have been blessed with four amazing beautiful children so I should be happy right? Well I think I could probably have ten kids and I would still be sad seeing the youngest one grow up so quickly. I realize as we reach each new stage, that it is for the last time. This has led to me being way to indulgent. She throws a fit and everyone laughs, she says something mean and everyone laughs. She asks for something and she gets it. She screams and the closest kid to her gets in trouble. Suddenly I am realizing that we have created a MONSTER! This is the type of thing my mom would have seen coming and warned me. (You'd also think that by my 4rth child I would have seen this coming!) Along with the hellish behavior (which must come from Tony's side, no one in my family has ever been like that:) there is also a very sweet and loving side (that comes from me!) She loves to hug me and say, "My mommy, I lub ewe!". It melts my heart.

She also loves her daddy. She has been lucky enough to have him working from home almost her entire life. Many times I walk into his office to find her sitting on a little chair watching Dora on his t.v and drawing with him. She thinks that when daddy's go to work it just means they go downstairs. She gets to eat lunch with him and cries if he has to leave to go to a meeting or site visit. She knows to be silent if he is on a phone call and will come yell at me if I am being to loud. When I see the two of them together it sometimes makes me sad that he worked outside of the home while the other kids were young. They definitely have a special bond. She also loves band-aids.

She constantly has them all over her body, but mostly right in the middle of her forehead. There is nothing you can do to get her to take them off. Ben thinks we should just get her a case for Christmas, it is her favorite toy. When I was pregnant with her I was so sick! One day I was sitting in the Target parking lot trying to get my nausea under control and wondering why God would send this baby now. My mom had just been diagnosed, Tony was never home, I was spread thin as it was. I was overcome with a feeling that someday soon I would realize how important it was that she was coming now. When my mom was dying I still didn't understand. I was gone all day everyday and it was difficult for Tony to take care of the kids and work. I am ashamed to say that I wondered why God couldn't have sent her after my mom died. It wasn't until about a six months after my mom died that I finally understood. It was a horrible day and I was sitting on the floor of her room in my pajamas in the middle of the day. I really didn't feel like I could go on. I was sitting there lost in my own sadness when she walked over and hugged me and asked me to play with her. I looked at her and saw how much life I still had to live.

She was the one who gave me the will to live until I was able to find it within myself. I know now that she was born at exactly the right time. I needed her to help me get through those hard times. I used her to help me, and I forgot the importance of the things I needed to teach her. I am afraid it is going to be a lot harder now, but the time has come.

It is just so hard to be the stern mom to such a cute little face!