Recommitted

I keep wanting to wait to blog because I like having pictures to put with them, this picture doesn't really go but I am headed to St. George this weekend and can't wait to do this ride again.  That is Gooseberry Mesa in the background for you who know the area, but this plateau is way better. Same sort of riding, but more downhill and along the edge.  LOVE IT!

Yesterday I saw my counselor for the last time till mid-March.  Part of me is scared, and part of me feels like I am on vacation!! I have definitely had some setbacks the last week or so.  I have returned to some of my old habits just in anticipation of feeling like I get to make my own decisions without having to talk about them all the time.  I wish I could be a little more dishonest about them.  When I saw the nutritionist today I had every intention of just playing nice and agreeing to the goals she wants me to set. When she asked me how I was doing, I just couldn't lie. DANG!  I end up hearing how returning to those behaviors and thought aren't a good idea etc.  The thing is it kinda soaks in and I can't help feeling like it broke my focus.  I had a total plan to lose x amount of pounds while my counselor is gone and now I am doubting that it is a good idea.  There are a lot of things I am dealing with (in my head) right now.  If I don't have him to help me from spinning them in a destructive way I am worried.  If I restrict and focus on losing weight I don't think about those things and so, to me, it seems like the logical way to get by.  (How did I end up so reliant on someone else?)  Instead I am going to go on a bike trip and focus on school and my Dad's 70th birthday party.  At least I hope that I can.  I also have realized that the more I restrict and focus on losing weight the less sincere my prayers are and the less meaningful my scripture study is.  Both, I have learned, are a necessity for me to keep my head on straight.   So here is to a week of having a good time (healthily) and enjoying getting on my bike again (YA!)  I guess that is why it is important to have a good team (Dr. nutritionist, and counselor) to make sure I stay on track.  (Even though most of the time I complain about it)